Parenting – it's probably the biggest job you don’t a qualification for and also the one you won’t get much hands-on training for. It’s also the most important job you’ll ever have as it involves not only keeping a child clothed, housed and fed, but also helping them grow into well-adjusted and independent adults.
Yep, it can be tough sometimes and when you are tired and frustrated, it can be easy to resort to abrupt and unhelpful language with your children. That might help get you through a short-term situation, but sometimes the way we communicate with our children can have a lasting impact on them.
We might think that we are exercising some tough love, but often negative and judgemental language can do lasting damage.
For starters, you may want to start replacing some tired out old phrase with these more positive and encouraging alternatives:
‘How are you feeling?’
It may be obvious to you that your child is angry and lashing out, but simply tell them to calm down or chill out doesn’t always get the job done. By asking them how they are feeling, you are encouraging them to identify their feelings and better explain why they are lashing out.
‘I’m here for you if you need help’
Impatience can cause us to simply take over with a short ‘let me do it’ whenever a child is struggling with something. But that is merely short-term solution. Instead, letting them know that you are there to support them will give them greater confidence.
‘Respect yourself and those around you’
A simple ‘be good’ or ‘stop being bold’ doesn’t let a child know how destructive bad behaviour is, it just lets them know you don’t like what they’re doing. By urging them to show respect for themselves, you’re letting them know that how they’re acting is doing them harm.
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